When silence isn’t Golden, it’s just a void

life's challenges May 15, 2024
Sad eyes in dealing with life's challenges Dr Chonta Haynes Transition Coach

I kind of avoided posting on Mother’s Day… somewhat… but not because I was unappreciative of what mothers do because we do a lot!

Mothers are the ones that nurture and encourage. We are always there to inspire and to assist. They lift us up and not put us down. You lead and guide. Yes, you can do it on your own, but it’s good to know mom is behind you cheering you on.

Unfortunately, there are those times when we have a void… when either our mothers are no longer with us here on earth, or you’ve lost a child before they were born or even mothers who lost a child after they were born, I feel you. You are stepmoms that are unappreciated. Some are bonus moms that feel somewhat appreciated but not extra special. Some aunts and godmothers that want more influence and impact. In the middle of a day and now week and hopefully month, we recognize that maybe the appreciation didn’t bring the happiness in the Happy Mother’s Day that we wanted. Maybe there would’ve been more or could’ve been more or someone could’ve done something different or they just completely forgot. I want you to know I see you.


I see the empty chair.


I miss my mom this first year of absence. I miss my Jazmin still after 19 years. I miss the closeness of my daughters when they were younger.


I know what you’re going through, but let’s not stay there.


Sometimes we think we are beyond the trauma, yet we aren’t. It shows up in our not fully living and enjoying life. Hear me clearly, it’s ok to have fun. It doesn’t mean you don’t miss them or you’ve forgotten … they would want you to be present for those that remain just like you would want them to be if you were gone.

You are appreciated. You are someone’s reason to smile. Beautiful, you make a difference. You can influence others. Queen, you’re amazing in your own right.

Sometimes you forget the strength and the gifts that you have. Sometimes you forget what you brought to the table, regardless of whether others ate it. Your wisdom is valuable.

Let’s progress past the pain. Sometimes you forget that in the middle of the night someone is thinking about you and appreciating you without giving voice to it. Whether or not they said it, if you did your absolute best and that’s all anyone can ask.


So the silence that isn’t golden any longer doesn’t mean that you can’t be gold now. So here are my suggestions:

  1. If your mother is no longer with you and you’re feeling the void, remember the good times. Take a memory from what her life meant and do something with it. Volunteer, start a movement, create a nonprofit and yes, you can do that! Just like MAD (Mothers Against Drunk drivers). You’ve got it in you to make others aware and others make a change, including systems.

  2. Give something away. Whether it be clothes or shoes or the ministry of presence (and your presence is valuable), giving refocuses your attention. Maybe you give the ministry of encouragement and inspire someone new or some young person to do something new. Give yourself, that’s the best thing you could ever give and sometimes it may just be a smile.

  3. Do something for yourself. Self-care is so important and if others don’t necessarily appreciate you, it doesn’t mean that you can’t appreciate yourself. That massage is waiting for you. You can buy yourself flowers. Send yourself a text if you still have your mom’s phone. Send yourself something. Share with those that you love, and you should be number one on that list.


So when the silence isn’t golden, make it golden and be the most valuable asset. Today, this week, this month… MAY you be the light in someone else’s dark place and remove the darkness in your own life.


If you’re a mom and this touched you… reply to this message. Let me know where you are and how I can support you.